Great piece. I think a lot of people will find it relevant.
This is something I still wrestle with daily, but I’m learning to hold whatever I can hold, even the full confusion.
I’m Korean, but I found out later in life that I was adopted as an infant, with the possibility of being 1/4 Chinese (DNA tests..). There were many Chinese immigrants living in Korea, so that piece may be part of my story too. And now I’m Korean, possibly Chinese, Jewish by conversion, and American. It used to stress me out, but these days, I’m trying to stay curious and enjoy what each piece offers.
I grew up in one culture but have been living in two for the last 37 years. Reclaiming my identity and culture, and redefining my dream is the quest for the next phase of my life. No matter how long that will take, I am glad I am on that journey.
I never had a chance to say goodbye to my mom; two years in, I am still navigating that grief, about losing my mom, and losing the connection to the past.
Thanks for the article! I feel the same for my parents now in America. Growing up we only hang out with Chinese families but they were working and exposed American culture and tradition.
Now they are retired that exposure has significantly been reduced.
Hi Ricky. I'm glad you found me (or that Yi tagged us together and you followed your curiosity) 😉
You cover a lot of ground here and you ask a similar question to something I wrestled with in my memoir. It's about belonging and identity, isn't it? And it's a question that will probably live inside of you forever because growing up Chinese American is part of your story.
I'm also super jealous of the handmade dumplings you had AT ALL TIMES. Heading over to a potsticker restaurant was part of an early childhood ritual (after we visited my father's grave). I also adore this idea that there were three Chinese families that came together and had this little community. That's really lovely, Ricky.
Hi Lani. You put it perfectly, it really is about belonging and identity, and I think you're right that it's a question that never fully resolves, it just keeps evolving as I do. Also, I find it amazing that where ever you are, food always brings people together. Excite to keep reading your story too!
Thank you so much for that. I really enjoyed it and it's strengthened my understanding too. I appreciated your bafflement about Shanghai - I must say that of all the cities in the world where I blend in and feel fully functional, Shanghai, magnificent as it is, is the one which makes me feel much as it does you.
Thanks! It’s such an amazing and wonderful city but can quite difficult to navigate as a foreigner. Especially when I have a face that looks as if I belong.
A thought provoking piece that made me pick up the phone to my cousin in Malaysia. I feel like I'm the only bridge left to that part of my family as my mum's experience was different - she totally westernised when she immigrated in order to fit in. But all my family are Malaysian. I lost the language and culture and an trying to get it back. Last year I talked to my cousin about visiting each family and cooking a recipe together. I went back - we talked about it but we never did it - because I still don't have the pulling power in my extended family to bring them together. I'm going to keep trying though. And this piece serves to remind me why.
That's it's amazing this got you to pick up the phone. Being the last bridge to that part of the family abroad is so difficult. I hope you end up cooking with your family there one day.
My experience was almost the reverse. I don't remember my parents having non-Chinese friends growing up. Maybe the work acquaintance. That probably kept me closer to Chinese culture than I realized at the time.
Glad you got to see your cousin in Malaysia. Do they speak English, or do you speak Malay together? I've always found food a great way into a culture. Appreciate you reading!
We all speak English together ! And we all "Makan" (eat) together - you're right that food brings people together. You're a lot closer to the culture than you realise so keep the bridge connected no matter what!
What a beautiful read! Thank you for sharing. I feel a lot of similarities with my Japanese background. Looking forward to reading more from you. Subbed!
Thank you for writing about this important topic. I have lived in between cultures all my life and navigating has changed through the years. Now I have been trying to reclaim what I know is true inside. Good to connect!
This almost brought me to tears🥹1998 is the year I graduated from university and left China for the U.S. Your photo of 1998 just looks so familiar to me. These are different faces from people in my family yet it has such a familiar atmosphere.😲
Thanks Gingko. Appreciate you finding my post and relating to it. What I would go back to being cramped in a tiny Shanghai apartment, packed with relatives, sleeping on a bamboo sheet.
Beautiful, Ricky. I appreciate all the small choices and decisions your parents made to keep their culture alive for themselves and for you and your brother. I wonder how you can carry the torch with your family.
Thank you Kate. These are the things I’m realizing more and more as I’m getting older and reflecting on it. Right now, just try to introduce the family to Chinese food.
This is relatable to every immigrant. You wrote this beautifully. I think a part of you will always be Chinese, which adds to the richness of your being.
Thanks Smita. As I grow older and more into myself I realized I am holding tighter and tighter to my Chinese culture. Trying to pass it to the next generation is even harder. Appreciate you for reading.
My husband is from Shanghai and was recently sharing with me how hard it is to be culturally Chinese when the traditions and routines you had in childhood disappear. Something that helps him feel connected to his Mandarin fluency is watching anime. I know that is not nearly as intimate as conversation with parents and friends, but it provides an element of cultural connection in some sense.
I appreciate you being vulnerable here and look forward to reading more of your writing. I also write in a personal essay format, so happy to follow along with others who are grappling with similar questions.
Thank you so much for this, Samantha — it means a lot. And thank you for sharing your husband's experience too. That point about anime really resonates — I've actually been trying to watch more anime with my girlfriend's kid lately, partly as a small way to share some Asian culture with him. It's not the same as language or family traditions, but it's still a real thread of connection.
Great piece. I think a lot of people will find it relevant.
This is something I still wrestle with daily, but I’m learning to hold whatever I can hold, even the full confusion.
I’m Korean, but I found out later in life that I was adopted as an infant, with the possibility of being 1/4 Chinese (DNA tests..). There were many Chinese immigrants living in Korea, so that piece may be part of my story too. And now I’m Korean, possibly Chinese, Jewish by conversion, and American. It used to stress me out, but these days, I’m trying to stay curious and enjoy what each piece offers.
Have your tired to stay in touch with Korean culture or even tried to explore Chinese culture?
I grew up in one culture but have been living in two for the last 37 years. Reclaiming my identity and culture, and redefining my dream is the quest for the next phase of my life. No matter how long that will take, I am glad I am on that journey.
I never had a chance to say goodbye to my mom; two years in, I am still navigating that grief, about losing my mom, and losing the connection to the past.
Treasure what you still have. ❤️
Thank you! That is the opposite perspective as mine. How have you tried to integrate and navigate a new culture?
It all started with language, as it should. https://immigrantsjourney.substack.com/p/do-you-dream-in-english
What I’ve learned: as time goes by and we grow older, the process becomes more complex and nuanced, not simpler…
Thanks for the article! I feel the same for my parents now in America. Growing up we only hang out with Chinese families but they were working and exposed American culture and tradition.
Now they are retired that exposure has significantly been reduced.
"I’m not sure what it means to be Chinese American when the people who made you Chinese are no longer fully there" hit hard.
Thanks for this moving piece, it made me tear up. I've heard similar sentiments from my children and it gives me insight.
Julia, thanks for taking the time and reading! First generation problems.
Hi Ricky. I'm glad you found me (or that Yi tagged us together and you followed your curiosity) 😉
You cover a lot of ground here and you ask a similar question to something I wrestled with in my memoir. It's about belonging and identity, isn't it? And it's a question that will probably live inside of you forever because growing up Chinese American is part of your story.
I'm also super jealous of the handmade dumplings you had AT ALL TIMES. Heading over to a potsticker restaurant was part of an early childhood ritual (after we visited my father's grave). I also adore this idea that there were three Chinese families that came together and had this little community. That's really lovely, Ricky.
Hi Lani. You put it perfectly, it really is about belonging and identity, and I think you're right that it's a question that never fully resolves, it just keeps evolving as I do. Also, I find it amazing that where ever you are, food always brings people together. Excite to keep reading your story too!
Thank you so much for that. I really enjoyed it and it's strengthened my understanding too. I appreciated your bafflement about Shanghai - I must say that of all the cities in the world where I blend in and feel fully functional, Shanghai, magnificent as it is, is the one which makes me feel much as it does you.
Thanks! It’s such an amazing and wonderful city but can quite difficult to navigate as a foreigner. Especially when I have a face that looks as if I belong.
A thought provoking piece that made me pick up the phone to my cousin in Malaysia. I feel like I'm the only bridge left to that part of my family as my mum's experience was different - she totally westernised when she immigrated in order to fit in. But all my family are Malaysian. I lost the language and culture and an trying to get it back. Last year I talked to my cousin about visiting each family and cooking a recipe together. I went back - we talked about it but we never did it - because I still don't have the pulling power in my extended family to bring them together. I'm going to keep trying though. And this piece serves to remind me why.
That's it's amazing this got you to pick up the phone. Being the last bridge to that part of the family abroad is so difficult. I hope you end up cooking with your family there one day.
My experience was almost the reverse. I don't remember my parents having non-Chinese friends growing up. Maybe the work acquaintance. That probably kept me closer to Chinese culture than I realized at the time.
Glad you got to see your cousin in Malaysia. Do they speak English, or do you speak Malay together? I've always found food a great way into a culture. Appreciate you reading!
We all speak English together ! And we all "Makan" (eat) together - you're right that food brings people together. You're a lot closer to the culture than you realise so keep the bridge connected no matter what!
What a beautiful read! Thank you for sharing. I feel a lot of similarities with my Japanese background. Looking forward to reading more from you. Subbed!
Thanks for reading and subscribing! Excited to read more about you too!
Thank you! So happy to connect!
Thank you for writing about this important topic. I have lived in between cultures all my life and navigating has changed through the years. Now I have been trying to reclaim what I know is true inside. Good to connect!
This almost brought me to tears🥹1998 is the year I graduated from university and left China for the U.S. Your photo of 1998 just looks so familiar to me. These are different faces from people in my family yet it has such a familiar atmosphere.😲
Thanks Gingko. Appreciate you finding my post and relating to it. What I would go back to being cramped in a tiny Shanghai apartment, packed with relatives, sleeping on a bamboo sheet.
Beautiful, Ricky. I appreciate all the small choices and decisions your parents made to keep their culture alive for themselves and for you and your brother. I wonder how you can carry the torch with your family.
Thank you Kate. These are the things I’m realizing more and more as I’m getting older and reflecting on it. Right now, just try to introduce the family to Chinese food.
This is relatable to every immigrant. You wrote this beautifully. I think a part of you will always be Chinese, which adds to the richness of your being.
Thanks Smita. As I grow older and more into myself I realized I am holding tighter and tighter to my Chinese culture. Trying to pass it to the next generation is even harder. Appreciate you for reading.
Thanks for sharing this moving post, Ricky.
My husband is from Shanghai and was recently sharing with me how hard it is to be culturally Chinese when the traditions and routines you had in childhood disappear. Something that helps him feel connected to his Mandarin fluency is watching anime. I know that is not nearly as intimate as conversation with parents and friends, but it provides an element of cultural connection in some sense.
I appreciate you being vulnerable here and look forward to reading more of your writing. I also write in a personal essay format, so happy to follow along with others who are grappling with similar questions.
Thank you so much for this, Samantha — it means a lot. And thank you for sharing your husband's experience too. That point about anime really resonates — I've actually been trying to watch more anime with my girlfriend's kid lately, partly as a small way to share some Asian culture with him. It's not the same as language or family traditions, but it's still a real thread of connection.
That’s great that you’re making that connection together! All those small moments add up, so keep going.